Peace, Security, Safety, Comfort
Not
words one usually associates with extreme bondage.
This is my happy place, though. It’s a zone
where I can completely relax my body and brain. The tighter the constriction, the more restricted my limbs are, the less
I have to *think* and can allow myself to relax those all too tight bindings of
self control. “Permission” so to speak. Losing the actual ability
to move in any way, shape or form, gives me the permission I need to detach from
the real world and drift in a warm comfortable cocoon of safety and security.
As a young child, I would roll myself in my blankets and quilts until I could barely
wiggle. I would roll myself off my bed onto some pillows on the floor between the wall and the bed and drift away
happily into sleep. Of course Mom thought it was a pain to untangle me in the morning, but she never got truly
angry. Just a bit perturbed at my messing up the covers.
I didn’t do it often, at least I don’t remember doing it a lot, but I
do remember the warm comforting feeling of being hugged all night long.
I discovered
bondage late in life. I hadn’t even really fantasized about it or thought about my *swaddling* of myself in
times of stress as being bondage.
It was simply the only way I had found to calm my mind and body enough to relax enough to
meditate. I have one of those minds that seem to run on high octane 99% of the time. When life starts becoming overwhelming, I need a way to shut down all the
processing until I can get my perspective back. It was a therapist I was seeing
when I was in the process of ending my 14 year marriage who first mentioned the
correlation of my swaddling myself with some forms of bondage. Being
the liberal minded person I was, I didn’t *gasp* in shock at the suggestion,
but decided to do some research instead. One of the first *hits* I got on the internet was the House of Gord.
That was my first view of extreme bondage. I knew this was an area I needed to explore more, but I
wasn’t about to allow strangers to put me in what I could tell was an
extremely vulnerable position. Who knew what awful things they may want to do to me!!
Considering some of what I could see on the internet, I realized I had to
educate myself before I would ever feel comfortable allowing someone else to
take me *there*.
I entered the
world of BDSM through a wonderful organization, Black Rose in Washington DC in
March of 1998. I didn’t come into this through a need for sexual expression or acceptance.
Those were bonuses I discovered as I was allowed to learn and
grow as an individual. I’m a very
assertive and social person, so I didn’t have any problem asking questions,
requesting *demos* and being cute and perky helped a lot too.
I soon found
someone I connected with on a more intimate level and then the real fun began....
Story continue in the members area:
get IMMEDIATE ACCESS here!
© Ladyjo
This copyright is fully privately held.
|
